If He Loved Me, He’d…

When care becomes control, and how to love without losing yourself.<!–

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Hello, my Seekers of Sanity,

What do you do when someone you love won’t take care of themselves?

It’s a question I hear often—and have asked myself, more than once.
Whether it’s a parent, a partner, a friend—it can feel unbearable to watch someone struggle, resist help, or reject what seems so obviously in their best interest.

If they loved me, wouldn’t they listen?
Wouldn’t they go to therapy? Go to the doctor? Stop drinking?

But here’s the deeper truth:

Caring isn’t the same as controlling.
And trying to fix someone we love often disconnects us from them—and from ourselves.

This week’s episode and practices are about untangling that painful line between love and control… and learning how to let go without walking away.

This Week’s Tiny Sparks of Sanity ✨

Small ways to stay grounded, mindful, and present this week:

🧠 Authentic Leadership Tip: Let Go of Fixing, Stay Committed to Presence

Why it matters:
Whether you’re leading a team or loving a family member, there’s a difference between responsibility for and responsibility to.
Trying to fix others often erodes trust. Presence builds it.

How to practice:

When someone isn’t taking your advice, pause.
Ask yourself: “Am I trying to be helpful—or trying to feel in control?”
If it’s control, take a breath and shift your role:
- Instead of advising, ask a question.
  “What do you feel you need right now?”
- Instead of pushing, reflect:
  “I’m noticing I want to step in here. Is that what’s really needed?”

🧘 Yoga Pose of the Week: Child’s Pose (Balasana)

Why it matters:
This pose teaches us how to surrender with softness—how to stay grounded without forcing forward motion.

Why it’s good for you:
Child’s Pose calms the nervous system, releases tension in the back and hips, and gently stimulates the vagus nerve—helping you shift out of fight-or-flight and into rest-and-restore mode.

How to practice:

Kneel on the mat, big toes touching, knees wide.
Fold forward, arms extended or alongside your body.
Rest your forehead on the mat or a block.
Breathe into your back body. Soften your jaw.

✨ Sometimes the most powerful choice is to rest instead of push.

🌿 Mindfulness Practice: Notice When You Clench Around “Should”

Why it matters:
Control often shows up in the body before it shows up in the voice.

How to practice:

When thinking about someone else’s choices, scan your body:
Are your shoulders tight? Jaw tense?
Say silently: “This is not mine to carry.”
On the exhale, release 10% of that tension.

✨ Letting go starts in the nervous system.

🍎 Wellness Tidbit: Find Your Place of Power

Why it matters:
Helplessness is exhausting. But you’re not powerless.
You can choose where to place your energy—and what to release.

How to practice:

Make two lists:
“What I Can Control” / “What I Can’t”
Burn, rip up, or delete the second one.
Choose one small action from the first.

✨ You can’t save everyone. But you can show up, grounded and clear.

🌸 This Week’s Delight:

A robin sitting on the wire above the garden—watching, not fixing. Just present.

Delightfully,
Lena

🌿 Lead from Within — Fall Enrollment Is Open

Early Bird Pricing Ends Soon

If you’re learning how to lead with presence instead of pressure—this is your next step.
Lead from Within is a 6-week group coaching experience for professionals in transition, aspiring leaders, and people who know something’s got to shift.

🕊️ Starts in September
🎟️ Early bird pricing available until June 30th

👉 Learn more + register

🔹 Monthly Mindfulness

🎙️Podcast Update

📅 Coaching

First Sunday

10:00 – 11:00

Next Session Sept 7

We’ll be taking a break for the summer and resuming our gatherings in September—rested, recharged, and ready to begin again.

Until then, keep breathing. Presence is always available.

Episode 8 of “What Would Buddha Do?”

If He Loved Me, He’d Go to the Doctor

We explore the tension between care and control—what it means to let go without giving up, and how love can still be deep even when outcomes don’t match our hopes.